Homework: C1 Advanced Writing Part 1, Essay

How can workplaces be made more people friendly?

Currently, it is widely believed that the workplace environment should be favorable so the work-progress can be successful. Having said that, two main ideas on how workplaces could be made more people-friendly will be discussed in this essay.

Undoubtedly, the first way that may help a workplace to become people-friendly are the lights and ventilation. Based on a survey, most of the workers concurred that if they do not have the appropriate light and ventilation, their work will be affected and will not progress. For instance, they will find it difficult to work on their computers. Moreover, if they do not have the appropriate ventilation, they become susceptible to falling asleep.

Additionally, the fact of having well organized and properly decorated workplaces play an essential role at the moment of working effectively, not only because these workrooms are functional but also for their ability to enhance the performance of workers. And owning to that, they will argue all the time since they will not find anything in the office.

There can be no doubt that the most effective way to improve a workroom environment is the light and ventilation since without those, workers will not be able to work properly and will fail in the task that they were asked to performed.

 

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One thought on “Homework: C1 Advanced Writing Part 1, Essay

  1. Dear Fernanda,
    Here are some things you need to consider:
    a. ” …the first way that may help a workplace to become…” I would say it like this, “… the first change/improvement that may …”
    b. “the fact of having well organized and properly decorated workplaces play an essential…”
    There is a serious error here: The fact of… PLAYS an essential…”
    c. “the most effective way to improve a workroom environment is the light and ventilation …” I would say, “the most effective way to improve a workroom environment is by upgrading lighting and ventilation…”
    d. “workers will not be able to work properly and will fail in the task that they were asked to performed.” Firstly, why using future if you are writing about almost a fact? Secondly, “… asked to performED?” That is a killer mistake. Careful with those things.
    In short, CONTENT, TASK ACHIEVEMENT, ORGANISATION are straight 4s; LANGUAGE is 2.
    Cheers!
    Prof. Edgardo Aragú

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